19 thoughts, poetry, unapologetic

you’ve taught me that pain is endurable and that love is measurable but lack of it is indescribable why do you then say i don’t deserve what i give in mine. life. how could time be so kind to me when i haven’t suffered like you’ve been through it? what do you feel when your body is turning cold other than numbness when your heart doesn’t want your soul when your mind doesn’t want your cold you are not as bold as they’ve been shown aren’t you a media reflection of the person you want to become

i left silver and, blue petals with my steps next to where you were, growing a garden in the middle of an ocean of stars, you were smiling as wide as my thoughts of you and i have been riding, residing inside your mind, dancing every other night the sun hides when the moon, like the blue on your lips in my thighs, lies, quietly floating in this ocean of you and i

but darling let me ask, has your past defined you or has it grown you? will your future be defined by you or will it find you?

in the beginning of this year we received cards and roses. and i took a bunch and kept bloom in my room. and every time i remembered to take care of my Self. i would remember to take care of the roses. some days i watched the flowers fade color. some days i found them faded. one day i found them all dead. that day i asked myself to live. from the inside out. to take care of my Self unlike i had the roses.

i ain’t ready to sit down with a boy. to bond over, talk about tell how my heart’s been overtoyed. i ain’t ready to trust that kinda joy. am still working on the parts i let destroy. we don’t cry on the night inns tho. still we don’t fight when the heart-strings sing. we let it out and take it out in a poem.

(by the way, overtoyed is probably not in your dictionary people …society, am reinventing English)

to not be honest with yourself when you are a creative is one of the worst things you can do to yourself because after you are done you cannot really relate with your craft. you can never be completely satisfied. it becomes as if someone else told the story and you published took the picture you edited wrote the words you sang filtered the make up you applied acted out the life you lived.

 

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The child form of a woman.

nineteen, poetry, unapologetic

I don’t understand you master,

I don’t understand you !

You look like you just saw a blue moon, I only touched you.

You are so pale,

so pale…

You dried eyes are looking at me,

I can hear your thoughts talk.

 

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‘You are a missing piece.

You are missing peace.

There is no missing piece here.’

 

It’s loud and its clear.

 

There’s so much we do with fear.

There’s too much we do with fear.

 

And to think I finally found the strength to live in it.

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“How to break a girl down; pick up her shuddered pieces and toss them around then leave them to drown.”

Darling, the deep-sea on your lips is salty.

The air is humid and your heart is full of fury.

Let it flow. Let it go.

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To not drown in despair when you are left to drown in the fear of 

never ever being able to grow back into being 

as firm as you were.

You are always as strong as you can be. 

 

 

Dear broken pieces of self you reflect beautiful colors when you show yourself you’ve given birth to a woman be proud of yourself.

 

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You are grown. Grow whole.

And do not cloud back.

The sun shines for the child form of a woman you are,

to raise.

Rise !

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Art with Lenny Lenya.

DEAR WAÇEKE,

19 thoughts, poetry

 

I  think you would have loved these yellow lights .

 

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Laugh in my mind when I need it,

Love in my life when I feel it,

Whisper in my heart when he speaks it and means it,

And because  you taught me how to love without a rewinding grandmother…

 

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She taught me how to smile with my spirit,

She said I could light up the night’s sky and,

She told me to fly and,

She cared for,

Carried me with her every breathing.

 

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And where do I pay for this love ?

TELL ME

How far is the heaven up here ?

‘Think about it, there must be a higher love. Down in the heart and in the stars above. Without  it, life is wasted time.’ _James Vincent McMorrow.

But I, I hope you can see how strong I have become and how strong I am becoming.

I am a big girl now, big girls smile with their spirits.

I hear yours in mine.

 

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The birds miss your voice.

The whispers too, mama they were a tune …

Photographer: Lenny Lenya.

CHEAP GLÏTTER

19 thoughts, poetry

Today I let my tears flow, I let them go

I let the hurt through, just because I want to

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Some ones I trusted

Are the ones that haven’t lasted

This is how the story goes

You love you want love

All of you

And you and you

And I and I and I

Think I gave more than enough to

Even when I never felt enough from

Too many

Am not sad over nothings

Am angry because of some things

And you

And you

And you

I wish there were other beings

I had grown to focus on

But why do I blame me

You are that type of species

And you’ve proved you can’t be

Better than this

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But today

I feel rage more than I have

More than I hear

The ringing in my ear

So much time spent on vanity things

I see how you throw away all we did

You say you don’t understand me

Once

But twice thrice

More than four times

I have taken time to study your chimes

When your melodies didn’t make sense

I  listened to your rhymes …

The things we do for family

Because blood runs deeper than other things

But is that it?

That must be it.

That is it!

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I won’t come back to you

I won’t walk back for you

My heart has ran dry of care for you

Am bitter too

So much time I’ve wasted to think as much as I do

All because of you

I burn with fucking beautiful colors

Flames like feathers

Angered by your nature

I choke on cheap glitter and smoke

You’ve been lighting the floor

Walking back and forth

Waiting for me to thaw

But oh darling, no

I don’t fall

I just walk out the door

And draw a line

I align

I refine

Don’t ask me the night you come across my light

Just look up at the stars’

Realize

That’s how far I move aside

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Photographer: Kevin Macharia.

Art on: Brian Mureithi.

BUBBLE

Hey, Uncategorized

 

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I asked a friend today what is his view on a relation right now. The kind where we group in love.

The grow in love,

The be in love,

The fall in love.

This is what I understood…

Look at us creating a bubble.

And doesn’t it look amazing while it’s growing.

They start from a surface themselves, we start from each other. And that surface joins together to create a space we find each other in, we create space for each other. We create a relation. That space is that relation.

We blow in it so carefully. So damn carefully.

And so it grows.

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Now, the bubble does something to this space.

It sort of delicately secures it.

It secures you. You secure each other. Mentally, emotionally…you find comfort yes? In each other.

This bubble narrows your exposure down to that space.

“That one person.”

 You give some confidence to that.

But

There is this thing about bubbles.

You only find out after you’ve touched this bubble… or after it’s been touched or has touched.

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No one’s  ever bursted a bubble from inside. You must be outside the space, the relation, to burst it. Everything else that isn’t either of you inside that space is usually not able touch, or prick your bubble.

But also, this can happen…

The pressure within can refuse to be contained inside your bubble.

 

Mhhh…but here we are still

Young

Confident

And becoming.

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Thing is,

bubbles are beautiful.

I bet you’ve seen that rainbow thing they form in the sun yah?

 

But

We have to understand them and accept how delicate they are. We have to be poised enough to take the burst when it happens if it does happen. You can’t just look at a bubble and predict the exact millisecond it will burst can you? At least remember, when it does, it doesn’t burst out into a vacuum .

no.

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Dear legit society, be ready to inhale that air.

I mean it’s always been there doing what air does, your life as an individual being has and will always be there

You just took a moment focusing on a specific space, a relation and that’s fine, that’s allowed.

To be in a bubble.

It’s allowed.

 

Why did the bubble cross the road tho?

No. Seriously

Its pop was waiting on the other side

*insert saltguy emoji